Best. Story. Ever.

Once upon a time there was a loli.
She was walking on the street.
She was wearing pink striped underwear. The kind that lolis wear.
Behind the bush was Karim the Pedobear.
Behind Karim was a cop.
Karim quickly grabbed the loli.
The cop grabbed the other loli. For... safety.
"JOHN. I GOT THE LOLI!"
"No, John. You ARE the loli."
And then John was the loli.
The end.

LOL.

Picture speaks for itself.

i love fiber

The side effects of a body building diet: feeling clean, mentally and physically. The old saying "you are what you eat" is very literal; the food you eat today becomes a part of your body tomorrow. We who eat clean, natural foods are like ferraris on a road full of shitty old junk cars. And eating loads of oatmeal and vegetables means your shits generally last 10 seconds long. I shit you not (PUN FULLY INTENDED HAR HAR HAR), I sit down and I just shit and I'm done like that.

On a totally unrelated note, I've been playing more poker recently and I'm amazed at the quality of play of some of these players at the 10 - 20$ buyin SNGs. These guys don't just bleed chips... they downright HEMMORHAGE them. Last night it was down to the final two on a $10 9-man SNG and the other guy starts pushing all in every hand, so I figure, ok, let's call him with KQ suited. He flips over 2-8 offsuit. I just go "uh wtf?" He says, "I'm tired. Wanna sleep." Note to self: playing poker at 4 in the morning is PROFITABLE..

new amp!

So up till now, I've been playing guitar through a bass amp. A nice bass amp, but a bass amp nevertheless... the highs sound like weak as shit. So I decided to spend some hard-whored monies on a sexbeast of a guitar amp. THUNDER. THUNDER. THUNDERHORSE. Worship me as your god, mortals!!!

Oh noez!

I've developed an irrational fear that there could be spider hiding under the rim of my toilet and when I sit down he's think it's dark and safe to come out and crawl on my butt.

I think I'll be shitting in a sink for about a month.

Dear Blog

Dear blog,
Today I ate a pita. It fell apart.
The end.